Blended Holidays

It’s been a week since Thanksgiving and Christmas is in full gear, and I’ve been thinking a lot about holidays and blended families.

I’ve learned that in our blended world we can never take for granted those years that we have a great holiday with all of our kids under the same roof. In our world holidays = rotating kids, which means it’s guaranteed that next year will look and feel different. Last year we had all four of our kids together for Thanksgiving... and we spent it in Hawaii :)!!! This year all 3 of our boys went to other parent’s houses, so we had Stella as our “sometimes pseudo only-child” for the week. Jake is out at his Dads, Hayden and Bishop are at their moms... but we have Stella (she never leaves, thank God!!) We also had all of our thanksgiving plans cancelled since I was under the weather (so the rest of the fam stayed away too), so this year instead of a big loud turkey day it was the 3 of us eating dinner at a much quieter table.

If you’re in a blended family, you can and should mourn not having all your babies under the same roof for these special holidays. Go ahead and cry if you need to, kick a box, whatever you need!! But mourn and process that you’re not going to have your kids all together under the same roof on holidays every other year (or whatever your schedule is), do what you need to do, and then MOVE ON. I’m not trying to be a hard-ass without compassion, but the reality of living in the blender means that you need to be flexible because the situation is what it is, and very likely it’s not going to change, so you will have to change what you DO have control over - your perception and mindset.

The good news (yes, there is good news!) is that you can still celebrate that holiday on a different day and create your new family traditions... whatever they look like! After all, it’s just a day on the calendar. You CAN decide when and how to celebrate given your family situation and still allow the day to have the same meaning and significance. Remember that your perception is your reality, so move past a calendar date and to a place where just being together at the same table eating and giving thanks, or celebrating Jesus birth, or the start of the New Year, etc is what’s most important. Treasure the moments you DO have together as they are special (and no less special then whatever “hallmark Christmas movie” scenario you might have had in your head about what it should look like).

And through all this, be easy on yourselves and give lots of grace to you and your spouse. When blending, every year is going to have emotions of its own. Steph and I have experienced this multiple times over the years. Our 3 blended kids have been going back and forth between houses on holidays for 10 years, and we are still taken off guard at times with feeling funky on the holidays. It has taken us several years to establish new holiday traditions, so even if it means celebrating Christmas mid-January all together as a family, we will do all the things that are special to us then (and yes, that’s actually when we’ll be celebrating together this year. And yes, Steph will keep our tree up until it happens). So if you’re new at this take heart! It takes time and patience and trying some things to figure out what does work. Don’t be hard on yourself if you’re having a challenging time figuring it all out. 10 years later Steph and I are still pivoting on holidays (and it’s still not always easy).

And if your heart is hurting, remember it’s because it wasn’t designed for the family separation and these traditions being broken. We are living outside of God’s original design of one man and one women for life, so when things feel off “for no reason”... it’s not by accident. But just because we are outside of God’s original design doesn’t mean God doesn’t redeem it all and that you can’t create amazing family time and holiday experiences. It just may look different then you expected. God can bless a different day on the calendar just as easy as he can bless the actual day of the holiday, so choose to not buy into the marketed hype about the specific day.

God can, will, and wants to bless your new family as long as you’re putting your heart in the right place to build your legacy together. Choose to make it yours.

Mike (“his blend”)